Seeking the Stars
by Doctor Madwoman
Summary: It is a long road back to the light, yet she does not travel alone.


When Winnowill first arrived in Sorrow's End, she accepted Vurdah's offer of companionship with no intentions of staying beyond a single coupling. The buxom dancer was beautiful and charming, yes, but rather simple minded in Winnowill's estimation. And young. So terribly young.

So the healer smiled slyly at Vurdah and drank dreamberry wine until she was stupid, following her giggling host back to her humble hut. Teasing and tender, Vurdah caressed Winnowill just beyond the rattling bead curtain, then led her to bed for a new dance. Long had it been since Winnowill had allowed herself to be held in such a way, and in all her years never had she lain with one as sweet as Vurdah.

"You are hurting, pretty healer," the Sun woman whispered, cradling her close in the deepest hours of the night. Once, but a year ago, Winnowill would have sent black pain to pierce her companion's tender mind, furious at the suggestion of less than perfect control. But this night, in this bed with its colorful mothcloth sheets, in this innocent's arms, Winnowill only curled closer to Vurdah and wept.

Winnowill remained with Vurdah the entire night. She remained in that simple hut all the next day, and the day after, and all the following days. Here, with Vurdah, she could escape the darkness of Blue Mountain's halls, forget all she had done there. With this gentle maiden she found acceptance. There were no expectations of her beyond companionship and helping with the daily chores. Vurdah asked no questions, made no demands, and was quite happy to remain exactly thus for as long as her sad-eyed new lovemate was willing.

"There is much about you that I do not know, and much that troubles you. It's plain you are not ready to speak of your life before Sorrow's End- that's fine. You will tell me when you wish to tell me, no sooner. I will be here when that day comes." Vurdah murmured, brushing her full lips over Winnowill's brow, cradling the healer's head against her breast. The gesture only served to remind Winnowill of all she stood to lose, if she should speak of what had happened in Blue Mountain.

Vurdah, so gentle, so shy…she would never stay, if she knew. She would be horrified. She would hate Winnowill for her past deeds and would abandon her. The healer could not bear it, to be without her only source of comfort. Alone with her memories, she would never survive.

And so she kept silent.

Moons passed. Vurdah made Winnowill laugh once, twice. The healer smiled far more often, and watched her lovemate dance at night with a clean, naked joy that had become foreign to her. Winnowill learned again to enjoy another's company- _truly _enjoy it, with no intention of exploiting all the little weaknesses, the hidden fears. She was not healer or Lady or loveless Black Snake- she was Winnowill only, and Winnowill delighted in Vurdah's sinuous, graceful beauty.

Winnowill did not, however, enjoy seeing Vurdah dance with the stargazing Wolfrider, or with subtle and sly Maleen. She did not find any particular joy in coming home to find Vurdah entangled with either of her old lovers. The very idea of her lovemate joining with another sent searing jealousy to eat at her heart and mind. It hurt her deeply, and she was all the more enraged for this sign of weakness.

Yet, despite her pain, she said nothing. She had no right to. Winnowill knew she deserved much worse than a lovemate who was not devoted solely to her. Far, far worse.

Still. Winnowill soon found that she could not bear to remain silent while Vurdah took others into her –their- bed, and she stole Oroleed's bow and quiver one night and took to the mountains surrounding Sorrow's End. It was in this way that she reacquainted herself with the hunter's patience, and came to know the ever-changing beauty of the desert landscape.

Vurdah took note of Winnowill's nightly prowls and fretted. It was rather gratifying for the healer, who had worried every time her Lord had flown out on mighty Tenspan. She brought home her kills and shared them with Vurdah, preparing some of the rich stews her own tribe had favored. The two women would eat in silence, with the younger elf sensing her lovemate's coldness. One night she spoke up,

"Are you upset with me, Winnowill? You spend more nights in the hills than you do here- it has been lonely."

She saw Winnowill's eyes flash and her jaw tighten, and knew she had touched upon something delicate.

"No, my dear." Said the Glider woman, primly, and her lover frowned, a stern look coming to her soft violet eyes.

_*There is no room for deception here Winnowill. I wish for truth and openness between us- will you grant me this?* _

Winnowill jolted n surprise at Vurdah's send; never had the desert woman touched minds with her before, not even in their most intimate moments. She trembled, her mouth going inexplicably dry. Panic building in her like a great thunderhead, she hesitantly reached back.

_*Truth?*_

Vurdah's expression gentled, her hand stretching out across the small round table to caress Winnowill's long fingers.

_*Not every truth, beloved. I've said already that you needn't show me everything, if you do not want to. But I do wish that you will tell me what has been troubling you- I do not think I can bear much more of your sulking!* _Vurdah sent, gently teasing. An impish gleam came to her lovely eyes, and Winnowill slowly relaxed enough to offer a half-hearted scowl.

"I do not sulk."

Vurdah merely chuckled and waited. After a time, Winnowill sent again,

_*I do not share. When I was Lady of Blue Mountain, I did not share, and I will not do so now... I am too possessive to ever be content with my lovemate taking another. And…I…it has been difficult for me to accept the idea of someone else enjoying you. Being loved by you. I want…you. Only you and all of you.*_

For half a moment Winnowill was too afraid to glance up to see Vurdah's reaction. But look she did, and she was startled to see the other blushing quite prettily.

_*You would look only to me?*_

A smile, fragile but filled with hope.

_*Yes.*_

* * *

><p>I have come to the depressing conclusion that I will never, ever be able to write a story chronologically; thus I've given up the ruse and will be posting out-of-order chapters as they come. One day, I will arrange them into their proper order<em>. One day.<em>

_Elf Quest and all related characters/places/concepts belong to WaRP Graphics.  
><em>


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